


Pointless

by ObservationalObsessive



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Families of Choice, Family Feels, Gen, Graduation, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Letters, Loss, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 08:32:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14040297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObservationalObsessive/pseuds/ObservationalObsessive
Summary: It seems pointless to Peter. If it were up to him, he would skip the ceremony entirely.If May’s really making him participate in the ceremony, Peter’s just glad she isn’t pushing for a party. There would be no one there. He could invite the decathlon team and most of them would come if they could but they all have family in town for their own parties so even that would be up in the air.And that’s why he thinks the ceremony itself is pointless to participate in too. There’s no one but May.-It's been a few months since Tony Stark's death and Peter is tired of feeling so alone. Hasn't he lost enough people already?





	Pointless

It seems pointless to Peter. If it were up to him, he would skip the ceremony entirely. 

There are a lot of kids who are inviting family from pretty far away and can’t wait to see them. Almost everyone is having a graduation party and Peter has even been invited to a couple. He’ll go to Ned’s at least.

They’re asked at one point in the school year to write down how many seats they’ll need for their guests. Next to names like Flash Thompson, for example, there are pretty large numbers. Peter isn’t even sure he could say he has that many casual friends, really.

Even MJ has written in that she’ll have thirteen people coming. Ned has more because his mom wanted to invite all the relatives and they love a reason for a party so they’re coming.

Then there’s Peter.

He leaves it blank. They’re confused by it and give him five seats anyway but Peter isn’t sure what to do with them all.

If May’s really making him participate in the ceremony, Peter’s just glad she isn’t pushing for a party. There would be no one there. He could invite the decathlon team and most of them would come if they could but they all have family in town for their own parties so even that would be up in the air.

And that’s why he thinks the ceremony itself is pointless to participate in too. There’s no one but May.

And May, for whatever reason, wants to go to the ceremony.

“Because, Peter,” she starts when he asks  _ why _ for what may be the tenth time that day. “All the other parents get to see their kids graduate and I’m sorry that it’s just me but, bud, I want to see it too. Look, I know. Ok, I  _ know _ ; I remember my graduation and how awful it was but it’ll be over before you know it and we can go get whatever you want for dinner after, yeah? I promise. We can even go to a movie; you’re pick. Just…  _ please _ , because this only happens once.”

Peter can’t really say no after that, can he? He may not completely get it but he knows his aunt really wants this and so who is he to deny her?

So he goes through all of the steps. He fills out everything he’s told to, he puts not only the ceremony date on his calender but the rehearsal date as well, he lets his aunt take his picture for announcement cards that will be sent to whoever May manages to think of, and he doesn’t complain about any of it. He also gives all five of this tickets to May and says to give the other four to whoever she thinks she wants to and he doesn’t really give it another thought.

He doesn’t expect her to think of anyone.

-

“C’mon, Parker, smile a little,” MJ says drily, poking his leg with the toe of her green converse. They’re taking a picture with the whole decathlon team and then one with only the graduates; an annual tradition that Mr. Harrington never forgets to continue.

According to MJ, the team captain and Peter’s sort-of girlfriend, he is ruining the picture.

“Ok, one more,” Mr. Harrington says for the seventh time and gestures for everyone to move back in together as he lifts the camera again.

Peter sighs and forces a patient closed-mouth smile.

Once they finally have something satisfactory, Peter is more than happy to slip of to the back of room and keep to himself. It’s the last week of classes and everyone has just gotten their yearbooks so they’re all excitedly passing them around and signing them. Peter doesn’t really care about all that.

Ned and MJ come to sit on either side of him and Ned takes Peter’s yearbook from under his folded arms so he can write in it. He’s not faced with any opposition.

“Can you sign mine too?” Ned asks hesitantly.

He’s been walking on eggshells around Peter lately. It must be because of just how many times he’s accidentally caused Peter to start openly crying in the last few months.

“Sure,” Peter practically whispers, trying to smile and completely failing. His face doesn’t really like to cooperate anymore. But he takes the book anyway and writes something, though he really doesn’t know what. He writes in MJ’s too and she takes his and doesn’t give it back for at least twenty minutes so he thinks that maybe she drew a picture in it.

He’s sure it’ll make him smile someday… Someday when he can do that as easily as he used to. 

Everyone is so ridiculously loud and Peter can’t wait to just be done. In a matter of days, he will no longer be a student. He hasn’t really thought about it much but he probably won’t be a student again.

Of course he’d like to go to college but he can’t really, can he? Spider-Man keeps him too busy as it is and if his grades weren’t bad before, well, they are now. His teachers have always been frustrated by him as a student because they can tell he’s exceptionally intelligent and yet his assignments are rarely turned in on time or done correctly. Before, it was just because he had trouble focusing enough to remember everything and buckle down and do it. Then Spider-Man happened and he just didn’t have the time for it anymore.

Honestly, Peter’s surprised he’s graduating on time.

Even if his grades weren’t a problem, May does not have the kind of money they would need for college. And Peter hasn’t managed to hold a job for more than a few months so it’s not like he has much to contribute.

So he figures he’ll just try to actually land a job once he graduates and split his time between that and Spider-Man.

He hasn’t been out much recently. Surprisingly enough, it was May would finally got him to put the suit on again. Now that he’s back at it, he’s hardly stopped.

There were a couple of months without Spider-Man and Peter felt awful about it. He really did. But at the same time, he was barely dragging himself through school. He couldn’t even look at the suit, let alone put it on. It forced him to think about things he didn’t want to think about at all.

But May had decided that he wouldn’t get better until he got back out there again.

“I can’t think of very many things that have made you as happy as Spider-Man does,” she’d told him. “It’s scary for me because you’re my kid and I don’t want you getting hurt but, Peter, you help people. You really do and I know you can’t keep going without doing that. Just start out small.”

She was right. She always seems to be.

Except that once Peter got over the suit making him think, it became a way  _ not _ to.

Now he can spend all night swinging around the city with his mask on, talking to Karen and stopping petty crime, and it’s a perfect distraction. As long as he keeps moving, none of those thoughts can creep back to the forefront of his mind.

So not going on to college will mean more time for Spider-Man. He’ll try and get a part time job and won’t have homework to worry about.

Once he gets through the graduation, he won’t have to keep noticing empty chairs. Because Peter has decided never to have another graduation. That’s his final reason for not going to school.

-

They’ve been at the school for hours on end.

There was actually no reason for the students to be so early but, based on how few students showed up when they were instructed to, Peter suspects it was to ensure everyone would make it. If they’d been told to come only a half hour before the ceremony, there would be students who didn’t arrive until an hour after it had ended.

But Peter tries his very best to follow instructions and so he’s there when he’s told to be.

Ned is running late because his mom is fussing over his hair and getting the best pictures, as if she can’t just do that after the ceremony. MJ is there with Peter but she’s buried in a book and not really talking to him, which is fine. 

They don’t have homework anymore, obviously, so Peter has no idea how to spend his time while he waits. He’s gone through long hours of waiting for things with textbooks and study notes for the last however many years and now he’s mindblowingly free of assignments for what must be the first time in his life.

It’s getting hard not to think about it now.

He and MJ are sitting in the grass of the football field together and completely ignoring what that means for their nice clothes. Most of the field has been covered in white chairs and he can see a few people going through and making sure they’re all in straight, even rows and marked accordingly. Most of the students who are also there are sitting in their seats already but when have Peter or MJ ever done what the rest of the student body is doing?

“Maybe you should take a walk,” MJ suggests suddenly and Peter hadn’t even noticed that she’d looked up from her book. “You’re being really fidgety and I know you’re getting worked up. Just walk it off. It’ll be ok.”

Her face is as neutral as ever but there’s a slight crease between her brows and Peter can tell she’s worried about him. She’s one of the few people in the world who knows everything about his life and she understands as much as she can. She always tries to help and usually succeeds but things changed after everything that happened a few months ago.

Peter nods and pushes himself up to his feet. “I’ll be back in a little while,” he tells her and walks away.

Somehow, he ends up wandering the rows of chairs. They’re marked by the names of students. Some have so many chairs dedicated to their family that Peter doesn’t want to bother counting. He thought there was some kind of limit but maybe there wasn’t.

He doesn’t notice any names who take up as few as chairs as he knows ‘Peter Parker’ does. That’s because everyone else has family.

Peter used to.

If things could have been less sad in his life, Peter would have more seats reserved under his name. His parents would be there… May would have Ben in the seat next to her… his grandparents would surely come… maybe, if they hadn’t been so busy with him, Ben and May might’ve had their own kids and he would have cousins in these seats… and Tony.

Tony would have been there.

And that’s really the whole problem, isn’t it?

His parents aren’t there, his uncle isn’t there, and now… Tony Stark isn’t there.

Peter realizes how lucky he was to ever have Tony be  _ there _ . Most kids could only dream of meeting Tony Stark, let alone getting to know him and be mentored by him; having Tony be someone who would answer the phone at any hour or give Peter a hand with his homework. It took a little while to get there but, eventually, they had really become parts of each other’s lives. It was just Iron Man and Spider-Man at first and, even then, Tony had been somewhat distant, even if he hadn’t really meant to be.

By the end - which is something Peter hates to say - it was Tony Stark and Peter Parker. 

Now it’s just Peter Parker.

Tony had been excited for the graduation, Peter remembers. He’d known how worried Peter had been during his final year about the chances of getting to graduate on time. And then his grades were getting better - with Tony’s help keeping him on track - and his teachers were pleased and Peter didn’t have as many doubts about it. And Tony…. He had been so proud and Peter couldn’t have been happier.

He eventually gets to his seats and just… looks at them. One for May… and four for no one. Or someone, maybe. Peter’s not sure if May gave the tickets to anyone. He hasn’t asked.

But as he stares at them, he can’t help imagining that one is for Tony. He’d complain about how far back the seats are and probably tell someone to switch the ‘Peter Parker’ section with another. And, honestly, the school would probably do it. It’s Tony Stark, after all.

But, on the chance they said no, Tony would just stay here instead and he would sit in the seat with the second best view. Peter knows it would be second best because Tony was really great about putting May first in anything that had to do with Peter. He would’ve let her pick the best seat.

When Peter was on stage, he’d be able to look out and spot Tony in his expensive suit and colored glasses. He’d get teary eyed, though he’d try to hide it. After the ceremony, Tony would keep his glasses on and sniff in that way that was only Tony’s before putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder and pulling him in for a hug that they wouldn’t talk about later.

That had become their way, really. Hugs weren’t abnormal, per se, but they never spoke about it. Even if hugs had become acceptable between them, however, neither of them had been totally free and easy with them. Peter had certainly tried not to hug him too often, out of a desire to make sure he wasn’t being clingy or making Tony uncomfortable. Now…. Peter wishes he had hugged Tony more.

Just once more would be…  _ so wonderful _ .

He huffs in frustration and turns to head back to where he left MJ. He hadn’t wanted to  _ think _ about all of this. He’s tired of missing Tony. 

It  _ hurts _ .

He swipes roughly at his eyes as he walks back away from the chairs, sniffing sharply and blinking rapidly to try and combat his stupid tears.

MJ looks at him when he’s standing beside her and squints at him. He has no doubt that she’s noticing the redness of his eyes and nose.

“‘M cold,” he mumbles and drops back down on the grass beside her, pulling his knees up to his cin and hiding half his face in his arms.

Neither of them say anything when her hand finds a place between his shoulder blades and rubs slow, soothing circles. She’s never been one for physical affection or comfort, and especially not in public, but it helps him so she does it.

Her hand isn’t as grounding as Tony’s is -  _ was _ \- but it makes Peter feel a little better all the same. No matter how much it feels like it now, he’s not truly alone. He just has to let himself know that. 

-

“I am so, so proud. And they were proud too.”

May said it a lot that week and she says it again over the phone when she’s driving to the school. She never specifies who “they” are and Peter thinks it’s because he’s lost enough people that it would just get tedious to list them all.

Either way, he knows she’s trying to encourage him. It doesn’t exactly work but he’s trying to make himself  _ let it _ work.

“Thanks, May. I love you,” he says every time.

She tells him she’s almost there and can’t wait to see him. She’s bringing Ben’s favorite camera and as soon as the graduation is over and she’s saved all of the pictures she’s taken, she’s going to give it to Peter; a gift from Uncle Ben, she calls it.

Peter really does love her.

He has to remind himself of that now that the ceremony is about to start and it’s windy and his last name means he isn’t sitting by either of his friends or even someone else from the decathlon team. He’s between two people he hardly knows and one of them is breathing so loudly it makes Peter want to scream or cry or maybe both. The other one is ok, he supposes, but Peter doesn’t know her so he’s still uncomfortable.

May said she would text him during the ceremony but he wasn’t allowed to have his phone with him so he wonders if it’s been blowing up with notifications since they finished their phone call. He thinks it probably has been. If he has to guess, she’s been trying to point out people with funny clothes or people who have already fallen asleep. She likes to do that sometimes.

Peter hopes she isn’t too bored. She’s more than likely sitting by herself and not getting any texts back from Peter. 

They call his name at some point and he’s paying so little attention that he wouldn’t have known if the girl next to him hadn’t just walked across the stage herself. He’s really basing most of what he’s doing here on whatever she’s doing, which doesn’t seem like much.

He walks across the stage and shakes the hands he’s supposed to shake, accepts his diploma, and so on. He’s pretty sure he gets everything. Then, as they’ve been doing with the other students, he’s supposed to face the crowd and let the photographer take his picture. Actually, they’d had the option of saying they didn’t want the professional picture, which Peter didn’t think could be that good anyway, considering how much they rushed everything, but May had wanted it.

When he turns, he’s supposed to look at the camera but he looks for May instead. He knows exactly where she’s supposed to be sitting so it isn’t hard to spot her.

But what he isn’t expecting at all is for there to be no empty seats by her. There’s not even one.

He doesn’t notice the photographer taking the picture but then he’s supposed to keep moving and doesn’t get a chance to see who’s by his aunt. They may be people who came in the hopes of finding empty seats somewhere but it was made very clear to the students that people weren’t supposed to do that. 

The remainder of the ceremony goes by in a blur for Peter. His thoughts bounce from ‘who were they?’ to ‘how much longer?’ to ‘why can’t I have my phone?’ and back around again. He certainly hopes the thirty seconds he was on the stage was worth this whole thing to May because it won’t be to him unless she’s happy.

More names are called and Peter drowns it out. He doesn’t really know most of them anyway - the people he really cares about went before him - so he doesn’t see any reason to pretend he’s paying attention.

Finally -  _ finally  _ \- it’s over and Peter can go to his aunt. Ned’s mother stops him first and wants him to take a picture with Ned and Peter really tries to be pleasant but posing for pictures is the last thing he feels like doing. It’s very possible that he leaves Ned’s family as quickly as he can.

Ned doesn’t mind, Peter’s sure. He really has been giving him an absurd amount of grace lately and Peter had pledged to make it up to him as soon as he’s fully on his feet again.

He assumes he will be someday.

MJ doesn’t try to stop him when he passes by her because they’re sure to see each other later and she doesn’t have much concern about getting pictures anyone. She just gives him a barely noticeable smile and lets him keep going.

After the two of them, there’s no one else to interrupt Peter on his way to his aunt and he’s completely relieved.

And there she is. 

She’s wearing the dress that was Ben’s favorite and her hair is braided and twisted up at the back of her head. She looks immeasurably proud and her eyes glisten. As soon as he’s in front of her, she grabs his by the arms and pulls him to for a tight hug.

Once she lets him go, he sees them.

“Congratulations, Peter,” Colonel Rhodes says pleasantly. He smiles only a little tightly, his hands clasped behind his back.

Next to him are Happy Hogan, Pepper Potts, and Bruce Banner.

They each look a little misty eyed but all of them smile warmly at him. Bruce reaches out to hand him a card, which Peter nearly drops as he accepts it with a soft  _ thanks _ under his breath.

He knows he’s staring but he can’t help it.

To be honest, he hadn’t really expected to see them again. Maybe Bruce or Colonel Rhodes if something big happened again. But now that Tony is gone, Peter wouldn’t have thought any of them would be a part of his life anymore.

The connection was missing.

And yet, there they are.

“Um… hey,” Peter says unsurely. Everyone just stands there and all of them, including his aunt, just look at Peter. He tears his eyes from the other four and looks at May, eyebrows raised in question.

“They said they wanted to come,” she tells him, gesturing towards them with her hand and shrugging. “And we had four other tickets so it worked out perfectly.”

_ Not perfectly,  _ Peter thinks. There would be a couple more people there if that were the case.

“I hope it’s all right, Peter,” Bruce says gently, offering a soft smile. “We just wanted to support you.”

“But you don’t… you don’t have to, though,” Peter tells them. “It’s ok.”

Pepper steps forward so she’s right in front of Peter, places her hands on his shoulders, and says, “but we  _ want _ to, Peter.” She takes a deep breath before speaking again. “Tony… Tony didn’t have a big family and he lost his parents when he was only a few years older than you are now. So he had to make his own family and that was hard it meant he had to let people in. He had a hard time that, Peter, and only the people who really mattered got to actually know him.

“You were his family and, Peter, that means you’re our family too. Because he let all of us in and  _ made _ us a family. That’s not over just because he’s…”

“Gone,” Peter whispers, his throat tight and eyes burning.

Pepper nods sadly but doesn’t lose her smile. “In some ways, yes. But he’s not completely gone, ok?”

She hugs him then and it surprises him at first but then he melts into it and hugs her back. He supposes that maybe they’re comforting each other.

When she lets go and gives him another smile, he hugs everyone else as well and no one complains. Even Happy hugs him back, then awkwardly pats him on the back and takes a couple steps away.

May hugs him the tightest and Peter wishes he could be ok now. He wants to be ok for her.

They all go to dinner together and Peter doesn’t talk very much but no one tries to make him. He can tell that no one is ok yet but they’re all trying. Maybe even harder than he is, since he knows they all knew Tony much longer than he did.

He almost feels guilty about it but ultimately just doesn’t have the energy. Besides, none of them are upset with him so he must not be doing anything too wrong.

He doesn’t feel like he’s just drifting through the day anymore, which is good. Even though he’s not speaking a lot, he’s enjoying hearing all of them talk. He already knew how much he missed Tony but he hasn’t really thought about how much he missed everyone else. Being with all of them now is good, if still a little bittersweet. He’d never spent so much time with any of them without Tony being there too.

When they’ve finished dinner and are having dessert, Colonel Rhodes hands Peter another card. The one Bruce had given him had been a somewhat generic “congratulations” card that they'd each signed with an enclosed gift card. Since they had all signed it, Peter isn’t sure what this one is.

He takes it with a confused expression on his face and doesn’t miss the way everyone gets quiet and watches him.

The card is a funny one that he thinks he’s seen in the grocery store before and when he opens it… he doesn’t need to read it to recognize the handwriting. There’s a lot of it; the card is nearly covered.

Peter looks up sharply, eyebrows drawn together and lips in a tight line. “What is it?”

“Honey, just read it and find out,” May encourages, poking the hand holding the card. 

He sighs and looks back down. There’s a check with an absurdly large number written on it, which he chooses to ignore and set aside.

_ You did it, kid! _

_ I told you that you could and, once again, I was right. When are you going to learn to just listen to the older genius? I say that because you’re a genius too. The younger genius. And I’m proud of you. I really am. _

_ I know how you feel about me giving you money but this is a loan, ok? It’s for school and should be enough for at least a few years unless tuition changes wildly before you’re done. Yeah, I know you said you can’t go but you also said you want to so now you can. Good? Use it whenever you’re ready. Save it for a decade if you need to but just use it eventually because I know that you want to and I think you should.  _

_ You can pay me back by doing amazing things. _

_ Someday you’re going to overshadow Stark Industries completely. In fact, you could take the company over if you wanted to. I wouldn’t mind. You’re going to do things that are better and more mind blowing than what we’ve done and I will love watching every second of it. You are a hero in the truest sense of the word, so just keep on being Peter Parker and saving the world one day at a time. _

_ This is kind of sappy, I know, but I wanted to tell you that I used to wish I could be a dad. It wasn’t even that I was wishing to actually be one. I really didn’t think I could and I just wished that weren’t the case. Now, I’m not saying that I’m your dad. I know I’m not. But it feels like you’re my get sometimes, you know? And I sure am grateful that I know you and I can’t wait to see what you do next.  _

_ I love you, Peter. _

There are a few minutes of silence when Peter closes the card. He won’t look up at anyone and they can all see the way he’s counting his breaths.

Before he lifts his eyes, he asks, “how do you have this?”

No one answers at first as he looks from person to person and Colonel Rhodes is the one who finally says something.

“Tony was worried he’d forget everything he wanted to say to you when he decided on your graduation gift. He wrote the card then and asked me to save it for him so he wouldn’t lose it. I’d already had it for a couple months before… Well. Before.”

Peter nods slowly, thinking back to when that would’ve been. He wonders if it was right before or right after the night in the compound when Tony had been helping Peter get caught up on an essay he was supposed to have started and hadn’t. They’d started talking about school and Peter had gotten too worked up about how certain he was that he wouldn’t graduate that year and nearly worked himself into a full blown panic attack. Tony had insisted that Peter could - and  _ would _ \- get through it and somehow calmed Peter down enough that they were able to finish the essay.

If someone had made Peter guess, he’d say Tony wrote it after that.

“You know, Peter,” Bruce says carefully a few moments later. He waits for Peter to look at him. “You can still come to the compound. Whenever you want, in fact. You don’t even need to let us know first. Just… show up when you want to and stay as long as you like.”

“Of course,” Colonel Rhodes agrees without hesitation. “You always have a home there.”

Pepper chuckles slightly and says, “I’m sure Tony’s bots miss you, if you need a reason to come. You could keep them company. I think you’re one of the only people in the world Tony would want using his labs and garage. We would all love to see you more, Peter. We’ve missed you.”

He gives a shaky laugh and wipes at his eyes. “Even Happy, huh?”

The man in question looks slightly affronted and says, “I’ll even drive you,” though he sounds just a little unsure about it. “Just tell me when you need me and I’ll try and come.”

Peter looks at May, who’s sitting directly across from him, and sees tears welling up in her eyes. She nods at him and smiles. It’s the same smile he saw a lot every time she was genuinely happy after Ben died. It was like she was feeling joy but couldn’t quite manage to forget that Ben was gone long enough for the smile not to shake. 

Happy-sad.

He nods at the others and smiles the same way. “Thank you. I can’t… think of anything better to say so just - just thank you. Really.”

There’s a small part of his mind that says he won’t really go; that he won’t see them again. But no. They want him around and  _ Tony _ wanted him around so… he’s going to stick around. And he sort of thinks Tony might in some way too.

Maybe this whole graduation thing wasn’t so pointless… and maybe Peter doesn’t have to be so alone either.


End file.
